Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
