The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
