just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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