Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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