i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
