like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
