I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
