it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
