How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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