guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
