she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
