Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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