I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
