Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
