Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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