so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
