The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
