I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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