After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my shit smells like andre
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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