By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
