Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
