drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
