Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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