Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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