We need to rekindle our bromance
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
