Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
