Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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