Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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