He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize