the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
