I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
