This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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