If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
