Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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