i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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