Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
