how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
