when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
