3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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