hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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