I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Found the puke drawer
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
