Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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