My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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