pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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