remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
