ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
