Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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