Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
