I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
