There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
