two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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