Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
