what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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