Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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