I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
