is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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