you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
