There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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