I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize