Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
