Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
