Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
