I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize