she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
