Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
