This is not my ceiling
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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