I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
