So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
